“Sometimes you are just tired of fish”- Men in Moz

I constantly get asked if I am going to marry a Mozambican and stay here in Mozambique for the rest of my life. People act surprised when I say that I do not want to get married until I meet the right guy. They say “you don’t like black men?” as if I have offended them by saying I want love in my marriage. You see here in Mozambique women get married and start having babies as soon as they can. It is normal and part of the culture. If a woman is 25 and has no man and no children, everyone assumes there is something wrong with her. I go around trying to fend off people who want to marry me or find someone for me to marry. Honestly, I would have no problem whatsoever marrying a Mozambican. However, that will NEVER happen!!!

Once you live here for a while, you start to understand the culture, well enough to want to avoid it. Now be careful, I am not at all saying the culture here is wrong, opposite in fact. It is very right, but it is right for Mozambique right now. It might change and it might not. In Mozambique, as well as many other African countries, it is normal for a man to have a few women or a few wives ( I think the King of Swaziland has something like 30 wives!). Anyway in the past men openly had many wives and provided and supported them. Nowadays it is not as common, but still happens. What is more common these days is for men to have two women or wives, without them knowing about each other. One of my Mozambican girl friends told me that if your man isn’t with you, then you need to assume that he is with someone else. Women generally accept this. They are not ok with it, but they accept it. They accept it because they have no choice. Divorce is unheard of here. It is possible, but a divorced woman is shunned. She is no longer worth anything and will most likely never find another man. Women would rather save their reputation and stay with a cheating husband than deal with the repercussions of leaving him. Trust is only as deep as knowing the truth of the culture. Now since I know this, I also know I can never trust a Mozambican man. I come from a culture where monogamy is key and trust is a must. I hate jealousy and I would hate to be constantly wondering where my man is! Now don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of men who don’t do this, but I am not willing to find out who.

I was having a conversation with my colleagues last night about just this thing. Now these two men are happily married with children. They are good men. But that doesn’t mean anything here. They said, “Cheyanne, sometimes you just get tired of fish and you want some chicken.” I am assuming you get the analogy there. They admit plainly to me that they are sometimes unfaithful and they try to tell me that it helps their relationship with their wife- keeps them interested. Now who am I to say what is wrong or right? I just know that this is not right for me. I, of course, countered their argument with the fact that we too get tired of fish. So if they can go get some chicken, why can’t we? They were appalled by this idea. hahaha. Such a double standard!!!! We are definitely not allowed to do that or they will leave us at the drop of a hat. Hahaha. I said fuck that, I can do anything you can do better!! And this demonstrates one of my daily cultural exchanges  here in Moz! Always surprising them with my frankness!